Everyone likes a drink now and then, but when excessive drinking becomes a habit, it’s known as an alcohol use disorder (AUD). An AUD poses serious risks to the health and safety of the individual in question and requires treatment at both an alcohol detox center and an alcohol rehab facility. If you fear your spouse might be drinking too much, here are some signs to be on the lookout for.
1. Secrecy and Deception
One of the most telling signs of alcohol misuse in your spouse is a shift toward secrecy and dishonesty. It may start subtly—perhaps they begin hiding bottles, sneaking drinks, or downplaying how much they’ve had. The once open conversations about your day become replaced with defensiveness when you ask about their drinking. It’s important to recognize that these behaviors are not just about the alcohol; they often reflect a deeper need to keep the addiction hidden. This secrecy can erode trust in your relationship, but it’s also a sign that their addiction is taking hold in a way that they may not be able to control or admit.
2. They Drink More Than They Should
One big sign of an AUD is drinking a lot. The amount that’s safe to drink daily varies between men and women. For men, drinking more than four drinks in a single day or 14 drinks per week greatly raises the risk of an AUD. For women, drinking more than three drinks in a single day or seven drinks per week is enough to raise the risk.
Your spouse might also engage in binge drinking, which is five or more drinks for men and four or more drinks for women in about two hours. If your spouse engages in binge drinking five or more days a week, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration classifies this as heavy alcohol use.
3. Mental Health and Emotional Changes
Alcohol misuse doesn’t just take a toll on the body—it deeply impacts your spouse’s emotional and mental health as well. You may notice dramatic mood swings, irritability, or a lack of interest in the things that once brought them joy. Alcohol can often exacerbate existing mental health issues, such as depression or anxiety, making it difficult to determine if these shifts are caused by the alcohol itself or if they’re symptoms of something deeper. As these emotional changes become more frequent, it’s important to approach your spouse with compassion and ask how they’re really feeling—rather than just focusing on their drinking habits. Often, these emotional shifts are a cry for help, and your support could be the lifeline they need to address the root cause.
4. They Need More to Get Drunk
For most people, one or two drinks are enough to get a buzz started. For your wife or husband, however, one or two drinks is nowhere near enough to get them tipsy. While one drink might have sufficed in the past, now they might need five or six drinks before they feel anything. This is known as increased tolerance, and it happens because their body has adjusted to constantly having alcohol.
5. They Have Withdrawal Symptoms When They Stop Drinking
If your spouse is trying to cut back or stop drinking, you may notice physical symptoms that are hard to ignore—shaking, sweating, nausea, or even insomnia. These withdrawal symptoms are a clear indication of physical dependence, which means their body has become reliant on alcohol to function. In some cases, symptoms can escalate to more severe issues, like seizures or delirium tremens, which require immediate medical attention. Recognizing these signs early can be crucial in seeking the right support and intervention. It’s important to remember that this isn’t a sign of weakness, but rather the body’s desperate cry for help. Other symptoms to watch out for include:
- Irritability
- Anxiety
- Loss of appetite
- Headache
- Feeling tired
- Depression
6. They Experience Cravings for a Drink
Craving a cold one after work is normal, but for your spouse, the craving goes deeper than that. They might feel as though they won’t survive unless they get a swig of alcohol. These cravings can come at any time or during any situation, leading them to drink in places where it wouldn’t normally be acceptable.
7. They Spend a Lot of Time Hungover
After a session of heavy drinking, it’s common to experience a hangover, which is when you feel sick and achy as your body recovers. For your wife or husband, being hungover might be a part of everyday life. They might constantly feel ill and complain about it.
8. They’ve Given Up on Hobbies
Has your wife or husband given up on some of the things they love in favor of drinking more? If so, this is a definite sign of an AUD. Instead of going out with their friends, hitting the gym, or reading a good book, they’d rather stay home and drink alone.
9. Long-Term Health Risks
As alcohol misuse becomes more frequent and intense, the risks to your spouse’s physical health can become overwhelming. You may begin noticing significant weight changes, poor personal hygiene, or a flushed face. These physical changes are just the beginning—alcohol can lead to long-term issues such as liver disease, heart problems, and even certain cancers. The longer the addiction continues, the greater the risk of serious and irreversible damage. These signs are not just troubling; they are a wake-up call for both your spouse and your relationship. While it’s important to acknowledge these health risks, it’s equally vital to understand that getting help early on can prevent further damage and offer a pathway to healing.
10. They Keep Drinking Even Though It’s Hurting Your Relationship
Alcohol misuse doesn’t just affect your spouse—it can also deeply affect you and others around you. One of the most difficult signs to address is abusive behavior. Alcohol has a powerful effect on emotional regulation, often exacerbating aggression and impulsivity. You may notice your spouse becoming verbally abusive, with harsh words, insults, or threats. Physical aggression may also emerge, sometimes starting with small gestures like pushing or shoving. This behavior can escalate quickly, becoming dangerous for both partners. It’s critical to recognize these signs early on and prioritize your safety. Remember, you are not responsible for their behavior, and there is help available to protect you both.
If you’ve noticed these signs in your spouse, it can be incredibly difficult to know how to approach the situation. The first step is to approach them with empathy—not blame. Gently express your concerns, focusing on your love and support rather than accusations. It’s important to create a safe space for an open conversation, letting them know that you’re there to help. However, if your spouse is resistant to seeking help, it’s important to set healthy boundaries for your well-being. Encourage them to reach out to a professional, but also ensure that you’re taking care of yourself. In situations of abuse or danger, prioritize your safety, and don’t hesitate to reach out to trusted friends, family, or professional resources for support.
